“My eyes are red.
My ribs are cracked.
My lips are bruised.
My soul is sleepy.
My hands are weak.
My legs are numb.
My lungs ache
With each lonely breath.
My poor heart is tired.
Yet it keeps on beating.
And so I will follow its rhythm,
Let it guide me home.”
Where am I? Isn’t that a poem by Marisa Donnelly..why am I remembering it now?
Have I been running? Why? For how long?
I stop and look around. It is pitch black. Apart from the sound of my heavy breathing there is nothing in this space that indicates life. I don’t understand! What is this place? I bend over cupping my knees with my hands as I try to relax my lungs from overdrive.
“I need to get the hell out of here-,” I mumbling when I hear footsteps approaching me. A weird sense of relief washed over when I felt another presence around me. It is indeed weird how I instead of fearing them am feeling relived and assured. I turn and there is a huge beam of light emitting from behind an unknown figure.
Suddenly the entire space is illuminated by that light. I look around to see where I am. Is this a room? The room oddly feels familiar like Déjà-vu.
Have I been here before?
It is so comfortable but it also feels..if I didn’t know any better I would have said it is filled with regret and remorse.
“Nathan?” I see an unknown figure besides me. It’s a man’s voice? Umm..it is husky..Mmmh! also sexy in a way.
Eh? Why did I think a man’s voice is sexy? I shake my head to get my mind out of the clouds and back to Planet Earth - “I’m sorry you must be mistaken I’m Eugene..Eugene Oyama. Are you looking for Nathan? Can you tell me where I am? I seem to have lost my way.”
I move my head to look at the face of the unknown figure. Before I could get a good look at his face I felt two hands cupping my cheeks and pull me into a kiss. It was a deep passionate kiss. My senses are getting overwhelmed by the way he is kissing me. Instead of resisting the kiss I let him have his way. It feels perfect like it was something that I may have been waiting for all my life. But it also feels an awful lot sad and a sharp pain starts to well in my chest.
He pulls away from me making me groan in disappointment. “Nathan, I’m waiting for you,” he says to my dazzy self.
Did he say Nathan again?
I tried telling him again that I am not Nathan. But the moment those words left my mouth it made me cringe like I want to be Nathan. Do I want to be Nathan?
“I guess I was a fool,” he said. But why is he so sad? The pain in my chest has now reached levels I didn’t know I could experience. I turned his way with the intent of asking the reason of his sadness. But he wasn’t there.
He’s gone? Where did he go?
I gasped as I noticed his absence. “No! Come back”, I shouted on top of my lungs. Why do I feel the need to have him next to me? In a beat I leap in the direction I thought I saw him leave.
“Please wait!” I scream looking at him, not once did he stop or look my way. I have to make him stop. I need to do something. Maybe calling his name would help. But I don’t know his name - I mean I just met the guy. The only thing I know about him is he has an incredibly sexy voice. I snap myself out of the trance my mind was wondering into.
“I beg of you please wait,” I plead while chasing after him. In the process of pursuing the man with sexy voice I notice something attached to my finger – the pinky finger to be precise. I try shaking it off but it seems to be tied to my finger. It’s a red thread! And to my surprise I notice another blizzard thing - the red thread is flowing down my hand and in the direction I’m running. I trace the red thread with to see where it ends and I see it leading to the man with sexy voice. At that very moment I see him fading from my sight.
I start growing desperate for reasons I don’t know and leap harder towards him. I decide to call out to him once again, “Please stop! Please I’m begging you. Why won’t you stop? Henry wait, please.”
Huh? Henry? Is that his name? Why do I know this?
I see Henry stop and turn my way. I thought I saw Henry smile but the smile was awfully sad and heartbreaking. I leap towards him once again and this time I reach his arms. He wraps his arms around me.
“The red string will guide you Nathan.” Those were the last words I heard before waking up from my dream with a pounding in my heart.
“Are you ok Eu?” I heard my brother ask me. Tears start rolling down my face. “Zach nii, I dreamt about him again”.