When your life gets turned upside-down, it sucks. You end up in a state of mind that causes you to want to curl up in a ball and hide under a blanket. Curl up, hide, and never come out. Cloaking in the darkness that surrounds you while you hide under a blanket. Trying to escape the terrible thoughts, life, and suffering. You know this is life, but it still bothers you, bothers your soul, your mind, and your heart. While you suffer, you cry, but you also feel anger. You can feel the darkness of life swallowing you whole while you try to fight your way out. You lose hope, you lose motivation, you lose interests, and you lose joy. The forlorn feelings and anger are part of the darkness that devours you whole.
You suffer in this world. You suffer in your mind. You suffer in your heart, trying to stay afloat while struggling to keep your head above the sea of sorrows. It digs and jabs into your soul while you go on throughout the day. While you go on with the numbing of your soul, the suffering is an endless journey that never seems to go away. You flail while trying not to drown in a sea of sorrows and tears.
You know that this is where you are vulnerable to even more suffering and pain. The tiniest things cause the tears to flow from your eyes in streams, forming a large enough area of water where you can see the boat of joy float away from you. It floats away reminding you again, that you are drowning. The anger and irritability that comes; irritability that people don’t realize you try to hold in, but can’t.
You fear judgement. You fear that no one will understand and that fear follows you around like a hound chasing its food impulsively. You try to push those fears away but you can’t. The fear causes anxiety and worry to suffocate you, cutting off the supply of even the most calming surroundings. Irrational thoughts ruin the little joy you have, which causes the anxiety and worry to take control over your life, the life that is a storm of endless chaos. Those winds that blow away any chance of relaxing thoughts.
You think of that sea of endless sorrows and tears and remember that boat floating away from you. You remember those joyful moments that don’t happen anymore. The joy that others have while you sit in the darkness that surrounds you. Dark like your mood.
The darkness consumes your mind, squeezes it, and reminds you how much you are suffering. The thoughts consume your time. Consume your mind. This mind is a lonely soul who wallows.
The lonely soul suffers, while it lays in the darkness, surrounded by nothingness. The soul feels alone, as though no one will understand this. The soul that slowly fades, the one you want to keep. You’re a lonely soul that also has a lonely heart.
A single heart that beats alone wants to be loved. Though supposedly you are loved, it doesn’t feel like it. You don’t believe and trust those words. You think they are lies, said by those who you feel don’t understand.
You are that lonely person, surviving each day, but struggling. Struggling to stay motivated. Struggling to keep going, in the dark abyss. Your abyss of darkness that no one gets, that no one struggles and moves through. This abyss you feel like will be forever. You are trying so hard to find a way out, but there is none.
Your exhaustion is never-ending. An exhausting feeling runs through your body without having to do anything. This exhaustion gets in the way your motivation, gets in the way of your goals. So hard and so alone. So exhausting and so alone.
You are a lonely soul with no one who understands. No one understands you. No one ever will understand you. That lonely soul will always be alone in this world, but those are your feelings. You, the lonely soul are not alone. There are others like you who are feeling the same way right now. Going through the same thing and being that lonely soul too. You might be a lonely soul, but you can be a lonely soul with others and find a way out of that dark abyss. The hope that was not there before can be there now again.