When your life gets turned upside-down, it sucks. You end up in a state of mind that causes you to want to curl up in a ball and hide under a blanket. Curl up, hide, and never come out. Hide in the darkness that surrounds you while you hide under a blanket. Trying to escape the terrible thoughts, life, and suffering. You know this is life, but it still bothers you. Bothers your soul, mind, and heart. While you suffer, you cry, but you also feel anger. You feel the darkness of life swallowing you whole while you try to fight your way out. You lose hope, you lose motivation, you lose interests, and you lose joy. The forlorn feelings and anger are part of the darkness that swallows you whole.
You suffer in this world. You suffer in your mind. You suffer in your heart while trying to stay afloat while trying to keep your head above the sea of sorrows. Again you know this is life, but it just doesn’t bother you; it digs and jabs into your soul while you go on throughout the day. While you go on with the numbing of your soul, the suffering is an endless journey that never seems to go away. The trying to stay afloat is failing, you flail while trying not to drown in not just a sea of sorrows but a sea of sorrows and tears.
You know that this is the time, where you are vulnerable to even more suffering and pain. That even the most little things cause you to cry or get angry, causing the tears of sorrows to again to come from your eyes in streams. Those streams create a large enough area of water where you can see the boat of joy float away from you. Float away above water, reminding you again, that you are drowning. The anger and irritability that comes snapping at people. The irritability that people aren’t realizing is the kind that you try to hold in, but you still lash out anyway.
People judging you is what you fear. People not understanding is a fear that follows you like a hound that follows it’s food impulsively. You try to push those fears away but you can’t. You can’t, and it follows you everywhere. Causing anxiety and worry to suffocate you, cutting off the supply of even the most calming surroundings. The surroundings that you want to enjoy but fear something will ruin it. Those irrational thoughts ruin the little joy you have. Causing the anxiety and worry to take control over your life, the life that is in a storm of endless chaos, that knocks over any resistance you have to those winds. Those winds that blow away any chance of relaxing thoughts.
You think of that sea of endless sorrows and tears again and the reminder, of that boat, floating away from you. You remember those joyful moments that don’t happen anymore. All those thoughts remind you of the joy you can’t have. The joy that others have while you sit in the darkness that surrounds you. The darkness that no light shine. Dark like your mood.
The darkness consumes your mind, squeezing it, and reminding you how much you are suffering. Your mind is in a state where the joyous thoughts are gone, instead are replacing those joyous thoughts are the negative, heart-wrenching thoughts. The thoughts consume your time. Consume your mind. This mind is a lonely soul who wallows.
The lonely soul suffers, suffers while it lays in the darkness, surrounded by the nothingness. The soul feels alone. Feels as though no one will understand this. Your soul is this soul. Your soul is that lonely soul. The one who feels no one can help. The cage that is trapping your soul in a lonely state that has no one to help. Sometimes you want help, but other times you don’t. The soul that slowly fades, the one you want to keep, you don’t want to fade. The soul that you try so hard to hold onto but sometimes it keeps fading. Your soul. You’re a lonely soul that also has a lonely heart.
A single heart that beats alone doesn’t have to be romantic, but that heart wants another to love it. Though you supposedly you are loved, it doesn’t feel like it. You don’t believe and trust those words. You think they are lies. Lies that are said by those who you feel that don’t understand. That lonely heart that beats alone beats softly, with no one hearing the cry for being cared for.
You are that lonely person, surviving each day. Struggling to survive. Struggling to stay motivated. Struggling to keep going. To no curl up and go under that blanket into the darkness, into the dark abyss. This is your abyss. Your abyss of darkness that no one gets, that no one struggles and moves through. Your abyss alone that you walk around in, trying to get out. This abyss you feel like will be forever. Forever trapped in, with no escape. You are trying so hard to find a way out, but there is none. You are searching in this dark abyss for an answer to help you get out, though it hasn’t come yet. Waiting for it to come but you need to keep going. This is your dark abyss, the one that traps that lonely soul.
You don’t just silently weep to exhaustion; the exhausting feel runs through your body without having to do anything. This exhaustion gets in the way of trying to get your motivation back, gets in the way of your goals. It’s hard meeting your goals. So hard that it has the feeling and exhausting trials of climbing a steep mountain by yourself. So hard and so alone. So exhausting and so alone. Your exhaustion is never-ending. Even when you feel like you are awake, you get tired within five minutes. That quick change leads to a day of exhaustion. Every day it is like that.
You are a lonely soul with no one who understands. No one understands you. No one ever will understand you. That lonely soul will always be alone in this world, but those are your feelings. You, the lonely soul are not alone. There are others like you who are feeling the same way right now. Going through the same thing and being that lonely soul too. You might be a lonely soul, but you can be a lonely soul with others and find a way out of that dark abyss. The hope that was not there before can be there now again.