LEBridgstock

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Nice Characters

I am currently about half way through chapter 9, and I am liking how the story is going so far. You have developed your characters well and I am getting a good sense of the individual personalities. I like the supernatural elements of the story. Overall it reads well and your spelling and grammar is good. I also like how the friendship between the two is developing so far. Interested to see where this is going.

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Promising start

I think that this is a promising start to a story. I like the magic element and the different characters, The author's writing style is pretty easy to read and follow. To improve I would suggest a read through as there is the occasional small typo (nothing major). Also I think some things in the story happen a little suddenly but that is probably just personal preference. Overall I think this is a good read and has a lot of potential to continue into a really great story. I am interested to see how it turns out. :)

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Interesting concept.

I am currently on chapter 10 but I just wanted to write a review to say that I really like how the story is going so far. I find the snake idea very original and interesting. Some bits are a little odd to read as the snakes do not behave how a normal snake would behave (long time snake owner here) but this is not a bad thing as it is a fantasy story after all.

I like how you have thought all about the different effects of venom and the similarity with the vampires. Your spelling and grammar is great and you have some good explanations so I get a good idea of what is happening.

Some bits I think could maybe be improved a little with a read through and perhaps a bit more specific description (e.g. what is the situation like? -hot, cold, rainy, warm etc. is there any interesting scents or sounds or maybe general scenery?) Again this is not a big thing and I don't think it needs too much work.

Overall I think this story has a lot of promise and I am very interested to see how it will turn out. I love anything that includes vampires or the supernatural so I am really enjoying this so far. I would recommend giving this story a read.

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Interesting concept.

I am currently on chapter 3 but I am liking the story so far. I love your ideas about magic and the different characters that use it. You have some good descriptions and I like the dramatic beginning. To improve I would suggest that you could maybe try to break up some of your paragraphs a bit more, especially near the start. When they are in big blocks I find it quite difficult to follow. I think this story has real potential and I am interested to see how it turns out. :)

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Original Idea

I am currently about half way through this story but I am really loving the overall concept. There are a lot of stories in this genre, however this one is very original and has a lot of different ideas that I have not seen before. I like the idea of the genetic modifications. Your spelling and grammar is good and I like the way you describe things. I got an especially good picture of the school. The story may benefit from a read through as some bits are just a little bit confusing to follow (such as when the farm is first introduced) but this is not a big issue and does not interfere with the overall reading. Great work :)

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Original plot

I am currently reading chapter six of this story and I am finding it quite interesting so far. I really like how you have thought of all of the very different characters and the perspective switching between them is good. The plot is different to a lot of things that I have read and has some unique qualities. I love the idea of a giant snake! Your spelling and grammar is mostly very good. To improve, I would suggest maybe breaking up some of the larger paragraphs into smaller parts so that they are easier to follow. :)

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Promising Start

I am aware that this is only the start of the story but so far it looks very promising. You have created some interesting characters which are already showing some personality and you have some engaging descriptions. I did not notice any spelling errors and your work reads well. There is the occasional bit that could perhaps use a little more explanation or description just so that I am fully aware of what is happening but this could easily be solved with a read through. I like the elements of magic involved so far and I think this could develop into a brilliant story. Keep up the good work, I would love to know what happens next! :)

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Great writing style!

I am just beginning chapter four but I just wanted to say that I am really enjoying this story so far. You have a really excellent writing style that really helps me to get a good sense of the world and what is happening. I like the characters so far and I am interested to see where the story will go. The spelling and grammar I also good which makes it more pleasant to read.


*Edit*
I have now finished the book and I just wanted to say again how excellent it is! It has a very professional feel to it and the way you have created a fully formed world is brilliant. I hope to see what the future holds for these characters.

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Interesting fantasy story

I am currently just beginning the third chapter of this story, but I am really enjoying it so far. The plot is quite interesting and there are some original ideas that I like. There is a lot of good descriptive words which help to add interest and build up the world. I did notice a couple of words that just need checking (e.g in chapter 2 -trail vs trial) but this is not a bad thing. Great read overall.

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Great read!

This is a really great story, I would definitely recommend giving it a read! I am currently just finishing the third chapter but I am already intrigued by the plot and wondering what is going to happen. I like the way that the author switches between different characters, this adds further interest and levels to the story. If anything could be improved I would maybe suggest working on the sentence length and level of detail in some areas near the start of the book, just to make it flow a little better. But overall it is excellent so far, I hope to find out more about this mysterious Silas character! :)

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